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Oct 1, 2019
Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Well folks, the good book is never wrong. Just when I had lost all hope of a corporate box experience for last night's huge 'bubbuloops' of a game between the two biggest CPL sides, one fine reputable company and a gentleman of impeccable character decided to take pity on me and throw some sponge cake for this corbeaux. Not all heroes wear capes.

Now it's not that I've never been to a corporate box before, of course I have, but everything is just better in a corporate box. I'm sure I would even enjoy a Zamfir pan flute concert if I was in a corporate box.

From the time I reached outside the Oval I knew it would be an epic night. The line to get into the Trini Posse stand was thick but not grimey, just like the kinda girls my boy like to check. There was a man walking around outside selling flags and vuvuzelas bawling "Who waving and who blowing? Somebody must be waving and somebody must be blowing." I swear Trinis are the most creative people on the planet.

When we first walked into the corporate box you could feel the tension. Me with my tattoo down arms and my "I don't know anyone in here so let me try to look intimidating" look on my face and my riding padna from my birthday shenanigans just being himself...everyone in the room had this bummy look when they saw us like they couldn't believe they left their house to come all the way to the Oval for cricket just to get robbed from these two "grommets".

I'm not going to talk much about the actual game except to say that once the game got going I got very concerned during the Amazon Warriors innings. They were scoring runs at a very slow rate and that threatened the longevity of my drinking and liming time. At one point I thought I was on eHarmony or FarmersOnly.com because it was only singles. But they ended up posting a respectable score, one that not only gave them a winning chance but also ensured at least 4 hours of free eats and drinks for me.

However, one of the main learnings for me from the actual cricket is that right now it have nobody smelling theyself more than Ali Khan. Man is a Pakistani-American Victor Newman. If you took Ridge Forrester and spliced him with Rishi Kapoor you would end up with Ali Khan. The man swag is out of control. If you see this man bowl and then stare at batsmen with a 'fierce' Ben Stiller Zoolander look.

Speaking of out of control. Who is that ridiculous bronzed girl in the braids interviewing people in the crowd? She looked like Janice from the Muppet Show. You know, the one with the big lips who was in the band with Animal and them (Google it). Anyway fake-Janice give a man a US$500 award for an outfit he look like he spend US$600 on.

Meanwhile, inside the corporate box, the opulence was impressive. The only thing I find these corporate boxes missing is a bathroom. Everyone still had to lineup outside to go 'penal'. But on the inside there was food galore. These people served at least 3 types of chicken plus ribs, pizza and for the win...currants roll. Honestly I didn't business TKR lose by 19 runs, we had currants roll from Linda's Bakery so we win.

I know certain people will try to blame me for the loss because it was my first CPL game this season and they won all their home games before. But a more plausible explanation is that TKR tried to use "Unagi" on the Warriors and it turned out to just be a salmon skin roll. No? You don't get that reference? That's sad for you.

Anyway...I managed to wriggle my way into possibly another corporate box outing on Wednesday so we'll see if that happens. Hopefully I could get a real salmon skin roll this time whether TKR fails to bring it home again or not.

TANA


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