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Feb 13, 2020
Eye Captain!

Eye Captain!

Someone sent me a newspaper article today which stated that the government is looking to implement a new technology that uses your eyes to detect when you're lying.

The way the technology works is that they will ask you questions and a device called EyeDetect would measure the dilation of your pupils, eye movement, reading behavior etc. Then you'll be scored based on some algorithm. So if you happen to have beady eyes, shifty eyes or even a lazy eye like Forrest Whittaker you might be in some trouble.

The plan is to get approval to use this device in the public sector. Yes garcon!! I know right, I was as shocked as you are. Imagine....POLITICIANS are looking for ways to tell when the PUBLIC is lying!!! Lolol well yes, now we reach.

But hold up selector! Liquid means rewind the gunshot means forward, you request we did so we rewind.

These people talking like this is a brand new technology. First off, women have been using this technology for centuries. Which is why men don't look their girlfriends, wives, mothers or grandmothers in their eyes when we're fibbing. Hence the advent of the popular phrase "look at me when I'm speaking to you!" This also explains why Joey Tribbiani couldn't watch Phoebe in her eyes when he was lying and kept inserting a raccoon into his story.

The CEO of the company with the device admitted that there have been instances where EyeDetect gave an inaccurate result. Good thing in Trini we don't let little things like facts and standards hold us back. If we cared about accuracy the airport would have never placed a giant sign 50 feet above the car park office....IN BRAILLE.

They say the eyes are windows into the soul but some windows should remain closed with the drapes drawn. I've looked into some people's eyes, mainly in government offices, and realized there is vast void between their ears that probably echoes.

According to the article, some people try to beat EyeDetect by using drugs before they're tested so that their pupils are unresponsive. However, what if you have cold dead eyes because life has been cruel to you? What if you are jaded because tomorrow is Valentine's Day and not even the girls with the frilly panties in Army Fete go have time for you? What if you're sad because everyone is talking about the Wedding next Monday but nobody seems interested in your Carnival Friday concert.

So from now on folks, when you go for a job interview walk with a good pair of Ray Ban's and leave at home the mental pain and disappointment you feel because everyone in Power is either dead or in jail except that imps Tariq St. Patrick.


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