Lord of the Rings 4: The Search for the Enchanted Filter
6 months earlier...
In this story, picture me as Vigo Mortensen's bad man character, Aragorn, not one of them hairy, two breakfast eating Hobbits. Anyway, I was feeling myself, had a lil mustache and goatee going on and was ready to pull the trigger on a brand new, showroom, French door, tonto fridge.
As far as fridges go, it was the Jennifer Lopez of appliances. All kinda fancy shelf, a million drawers and yes.....an ice and water filter. Now I is a man accustomed with fridge you could dry your unmentionables on the back grill and defrosting was a whole Saturday morning production with ice pick and huge blocks of ice like we selling fish.
Anyway, fast forward to today and lo and behold miss fancy thang fridge LED display telling me the filter needs changing. Oh em gee...needy much!!
No big deal right, just call the Appliance Store and say "yo...this clingy fridge up in my DMs, what allyuh could do for meh" right? WRONG!. Apparently said Appliance Store does sell fridge but you on your own for parts. They like the friend that set yuh up with the red woman but don't want to hear your plight when she hot foot have her frolicking all over town.
They did however direct me to two parts stores in the realm of St. James. No scene, I figured I'll just swing by during the day and scoop up one of these filter doo-hickeys. Wrong again Lord TANA-gorn! One parts place closed and the other have up fence like them alone had Carnival 2021.
So now the quest turns to the distant land known as "Aranguez" and if that fails I must lead an expedition to a region known only as "Arima". It's not often I venture outside the confines of my home office, much less traverse beyond the majestic house of light on the outskirts of the capital.
Somehow I feel I will end up having to pay the Master of Coin his Online Tax to bring in filters by the case. Who out there need filter?? I go be selling dem by the pound.